Of Shadows and Light
by OriginalPitchy
Summary: This is a Delena story, taking place in a more distant future. NOTE: I came up with the idea for this fic during the hiatus between season 3 and 4. So everything that happened until the season 3 finale applies as background to this story, the rest does not. Basically, this is a spin-off after season 3.
1. Chapter 1

**_So, I've decided to put my story back up. Because this is MY story, MY view of Elena and her relationship to Damon and I'm not gonna let anything keep me from writing it. I'd really like to thank Fanfic-Ritz and misfitvampirequeen for their encouraging. Without you two, I would have given up on this. My one and only teddeh, for being my balance without even realizing it. And most important of all, my soul sistah for never giving up on me 3_  
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**_Now, enough of the babbling and onto the story - Enjoy! ;)_  
**

**Chapter 1**

I had no idea how I had ended up in that bar. It must have been somewhere along the borderline between North and South Dakota, middle of nowhere. Of course, I was just passing through. Really, I had simply been going with the flow for quite a while… well, a few years to be precise. But what were those compared to eternity? Anyways, I had become attuned to constantly being on the move, not staying anywhere for more than a couple of weeks. Especially in places like this one. It became too obvious way too quickly when one of those small-towners… vanished. I downed my drink with a grim expression. It wasn't really soothing anymore; I knew I'd have to feed soon. Probably not here, though… I had already snacked on one or two people in the vicinity. Where to go to though? My mind wandered back to Mystic Falls; I was catching myself on that thought quite often again lately. It annoyed me; I knew I couldn't go back there. Yet. Too many people were still alive, people that remembered. I should give it another… well. 40 years maybe. But then again, that was nothing when the number of years you had to live was endless. I shrugged. And tensed. My back was turned towards the door, I couldn't see him. But I could feel his presence entering the room. I was shocked by how attuned I still was to it, after all these years. I felt my heart thump. What was he doing here? Then my mood changed as quickly as it was typical for my species, and anger rose within me. It was pathetic, still giving him power over me like this. I slowly turned around on my bar stool. My eyes caught sight of him immediately. There he was, standing in the doorway in all his dark glory. He hadn't changed one bit. I swallowed. Blazing blue eyes were piercing straight into mine, seeing right through them, finding its way to my innermost like they always had. It was him. Damon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

For a very long moment, we just stared at each other in silence. Unmoving, measuring one another. He kept his impassive, slightly arrogant expression that was meant to mask his feelings, just like it always had. And just like _I_ always had, I instinctively felt the stream of emotions that were flowing beneath that smooth surface. Surprise. Uncertainty. Something like… Relief?

I merely blinked as he finally unfroze and casually moved towards me, throwing his famous cocky smile here and there where people were staring –the intensity of our wordless exchange hadn't gone unnoticed- but I could sense that really, every fiber of his being was focused on _me_. Arriving where I was sitting at the bar, he rested his elbow onto the counter next to me with a completely nonchalant movement, typically for him standing just a nudge closer than would have been necessary, and reached for my empty glass. He deliberately avoided looking at me, his blue crystals following the movement of his hand while he turned my empty glass around. Slowly, he raised an eyebrow, clearly mocking surprise about finding me drinking. His tone was slightly blasé as he spoke, yet I could feel that his voice still reached something, some long forgotten place deep down inside of me. "Well well… as they say: Bad weeds grow tall, right?" He placed the glass back down and finally looked at me, an ironic grin spreading on his features. I snorted. Who did he think he was fooling with his charade of casualness? Those games of his had never been working on me, anyways. "I'm glad to see that no one cleared you off as well, Damon." My lips embraced his name, feeling it, tasting it. I hadn't said it in such a long time. I snatched the glass back out of his hand and looked back over my shoulder at the bartender. "Two Bourbon please!" Muttering to myself, I added "We have a reunion to celebrate…"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Of course, Damon's sharpened senses made it easy for him to understand my mutterings. From the corner of my eye, I saw his grin grow wider. He turned in one smooth movement, leaning his back against the counter and resting both of his elbows on top of it. "Bourbon? I can't believe your _taste_ has improved that much over the years." The sarcasm dripping from his voice made me roll my eyes, and I shifted on my stool so I was facing the bar again, folding my arms on the counter. "I'm just trying to _please_ you." My tone wasn't any less sarcastic. The bartender placed two glasses in front of me, and I nudged one towards Damon before I took the other one, waiting until he raised his and chinked it to my glass. We didn't really look at each other though. I had intended to drink slowly in Damon's presence, sip by sip. Demonstrating control. But the moment the amber liquid was burning down my throat, quenching my growing thurst, all self-restraint was forgotten and with a few big gulps, I downed the whole glass. Damon hadn't touched his one yet. He was watching me, and there was that curiously lifted eyebrow again. "A while since you got the last bunny in ya, huh?" "Bunny?" With a dry laugh, I placed my glass back down. Since the demonstration of self-control had failed miserably, I decided that I might as well just follow my needs. "Come on, let's go." I shoved my stool backwards and got up, striding towards the exit without waiting for him to follow me. I knew he would. After downing his glass of Bourbon, of course. A quick grin flashed across my face. He wouldn't waste that one. He caught up with me halfway through the bar, and once again I was faced with his raised eyebrows. "The bartender…?" he asked. I shrugged curtly, "I prefer to take care of that _before_ I start drinking." I didn't look at him, I wasn't keen on seeing the expression I knew I'd find on his features.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I stopped when I reached the veranda. Right in front of the entrance, a blue Mustang convertible was parked. It seemed he had given up on his old Chevy somewhen, but it was still obvious that this was Damon's car. A few years younger than the one I knew, but nevertheless a classic. I basically _felt_ his grin in my back as he watched me staring. "I'll gladly take you for a drive, but _something_ tells me you have some needs to be attended to first." I simply nodded, determined to ignore his taunting. "Not here though. I already decimated the population by two. I'm sure we'll find a few stray hikers in the woods further west." I felt his mood change, concern radiated from him. "What happened to…" I didn't wait until he finished his sentence. I had already checked our surroundings; not a single person was to be seen, hence it was safe when I simply dashed away.

He was running beside me within the blink of an eye. As I looked at him, the words "older and stronger" touched my mind, but I shoved the thought away. I grinned over at him and increased my speed as we hit the woods, chuckling as I jumped over roots and dodged the trees and bushes. He was nothing but a dark shadow flying through the undergrowth a few feet to my left, but with my superhuman seeing abilities I still could have counted each and every stubble on his face if I had wanted to. "You're enjoying this, huh?!" he shouted over at me. "Ohhh yes!" I yelled back, still grinning from ear to ear. I was _really_ enjoying this. I always relished running in full speed. It made me feel free, alive… happy. It made my eyes shine like a four year old's who had just been offered a candy bar, and he saw it. He tugged the side of his mouth up in one of his lopsided half-smirks and shook his head. Just then, I stopped abruptly, causing him to do the same. I raised my hand to cut him off as he opened his mouth to speak. "Did you smell this?" I instinctively crouched down and turned into the direction from where a small breeze had carried a faint, yet mouth-wateringly delicious scent into my nose. _I_ was the hunter. _There_ was the prey. I threw Damon a fanged smile. "Dinner is ready…"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Again, I didn't even wait for Damon's reaction. I knew it would be a snarky comment meant to cover his confusion about my demeanor. He didn't know me like this. Instead, I simply moved away, quickly and silently sneaking into the direction where I had smelled the humans. Of course, he followed. The closer we came, the more distinct -and delicious- the smell became. I smelled two. Most likely an outdoorsy hiking couple, you could find those kind of people quite often in areas like this one. Over their babbling, my ears caught their heartbeats. The sound was mouth-watering. I felt the soaring fire in my throat, the demanding pounding of my gums, the tips of my canines against my lower lip.

I crouched down behind the thick brush that was surrounding the small clearing where the couple was obviously resting for lunch. Peeking through the leaves and branches, I spotted the guy sitting on the rotting trunk of a fallen tree, busy with unwrapping a sandwich, and a young woman on a small rock across from him. Him or her? Women usually tasted better; their blood was sweeter. But a guy had _more_ blood. I quickly decided on the more. After all, Damon was with me and the way I knew him he wouldn't mind getting the woman. I looked back over my shoulder where he was standing right behind me, raised my eyebrows and whispered: "Watch this!" Then I jumped up and darted away.

I loved this style of hunting. I surrounded the clearing in a vast circle, in a speed that made me practically invisible to the human eye. Then I started closing in, drawing smaller and smaller circles around my prey. I heard the woman's agitated voice: "What was that? Did you hear that?" and before the man could even react, I finished my last circle and snatched him from his seat, my palm covering his mouth, my thumb and index finger closing around his nose just at the same instant in order to keep him silent. I knew that from her perspective, her husband had simply vanished within the blink of an eye. And before she had even time for a second blink, I was back under cover of the bushes where Damon was still standing, and my teeth sank into my victim's warm flesh.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Within seconds, the man's body fell limp in my arms and I took my hand off his mouth, though I still pressed his back tightly against my chest while I kept drinking deeply. He wouldn't let out a sound anymore. When the bloodstream stopped flowing, I bit deeper with a low growl, and I didn't stop until I had sucked the last drop of blood out of his system. Then I simply dropped the corpse.

Only now I realized that Damon was watching me. The woman's body was lying to his feet; I had been so wrapped up in the bliss of my own feeding that I hadn't even noticed how he had snatched and drained her. I turned my head to the side in order to avoid looking at him, his gaze made me feel uneasy. "How much time did you say you've been spending in this area?" His tone was conversational, nonchalant even, but I knew why he asked. I looked at him and replied flatly, "Two days ago." I could watch the wheels turn in his head. That made one dead human per day. He didn't comment. Neither did I. I shrugged and turned east, towards where we had come from. "Let's go back." I looked back at him over my shoulder. "What about those?" He motioned towards the bodies. I shrugged again and started running in a slow speed; really I was almost jogging back. Still, it took him a while to catch up with me. I looked at his hands. "You buried them." "Yes, Elena, I did." Annoyance was ringing in his tone, and he kept looking straight ahead. We spent the rest of our journey in silence.

We stopped running when the handful of houses that formed the town in which's bar we had met earlier came into sight. When we reached the main road, I headed towards the white Ford I had parked there, pulled the keys out of my jeans pocket and opened the trunk from where I produced a sports bag. I was used to getting myself what I needed when I needed it, but when it came to a few things, it was useful to always have them with you. Then I opened the driver's door and put the key into the ignition. When I slammed it shut again, Damon was standing on the opposite side of the car, eyeing me curiously. "I guess you're more fond of your car than I am of this one, and I got it on a wrong name. No one will be able to find the owner and I can always get myself a new one," I explained. He nodded. "Okay, where can I take you then?" An ironic grin spread on his face, and his tone was dripping with sarcasm. "Where's my brother waiting for you?" For a moment, I studied his features in silence. He was just pretending; he really wanted to know. Which meant he was completely clueless. I sighed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"Damon, even if I _knew_ where your brother was, I'd only use that information to get as far away from him as possible." There. Let him make of that whatever he wanted. I turned and strolled towards his car, seemingly at ease, but even _I_ had heard the bitterness ring through my voice. For what felt like the millionth time today, he had to catch up with me. To my surprise, he remained silent. "Where are _you_ heading to?" I looked at him questioningly. "New York", he replied while opening the trunk of his car for me. "New York? Any special reasons?" I shrugged the sports bag off my shoulder and let it slide into the car. "Visiting some old friends." I nodded, and decided to not ask any further. I'd find out soon enough. He closed the trunk and we both rounded the car in opposite directions. As he opened the driver's door, his curious gaze caught mine across the roof of the car. "You still haven't told me where you're going." Nowhere, I thought. "New York, I guess." I shrugged a shoulder and slipped into my seat. I realized that night was just starting to fall. It took him a moment so slide in beside me. From the corner of my eye, I saw him shake his head, then he took a deep breath. "Are you okay with driving through the night?" Damon started the car. He was avoiding to look at me again. I _knew_ his mind was brimming with questions. Why didn't he ask? Though I was glad, I really didn't feel like answering his questions at the moment. In a corner of my mind, a small voice told me that maybe, that was exactly why he didn't ask. He had always been subtle towards my emotions. "_You_ are the driver. Whatever you please." I made myself comfortable in my seat. His foot hit the gas pedal, and except for the purring of the engine, everything fell silent.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

The whole night, we didn't exchange as much as one word. One or two times, I opened my mouth in order to say something, but it seemed like I couldn't come up with any words. So I closed my mouth again and remained unmoving in my seat, frozen in place. Lights kept passing at irregular intervals on the mainly empty interstate. Mostly, it was lights that appeared in the far distance and moved closer and closer, until we passed the car they belonged to. Damon had never been a fan of speed limits.

As the hours ticked by, my mind started to wander. What had brought Damon into that nest where we had met earlier today? Probably the same as me: Nothing special, just chance. And still, it felt like fate that we had met there. But why had I ended up going with him just like that? As if it was the most natural thing in the world, as if there wouldn't have been the option of simply getting into my own car and driving away from him. And he had accepted my company just as naturally. As if it was just a few days ago that we had seen each other for the last time, and not decades. I already knew this would end badly. I wasn't who he knew me to be, what he expected me to be. Not anymore. And I didn't even know how long I could keep this up. I wasn't under control. I shifted my attention towards him. I knew he had a lot of questions of his own that were keeping his mind busy at the moment. Like what had happened to make me talk about his brother like that. Why I was acting the way I had acted today. He surely was having his suspicions, though he obviously preferred to keep it to himself. It made me feel uncomfortable. Soon, I was turning over nothing but a huge tangled mess in my head. The longer the night wore on, the edgier I became. I wasn't used to not move as much as my little finger for hours on end, and I needed blood. This situation was starting to drive me insane, and I knew that feeding was the only thing that could calm me down again. But even though my innermost was building up to a raging storm, my body stayed completely still.

Finally, Damon stopped the car at a sort of expensive looking foreclosure in a small city somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin. It was early morning, the sun would rise soon. I was more than relieved to finally get out of the car; it seemed like every cell of my body was under tension. "Looks like an acceptable bed for the night", he commented as we made our way up to the veranda. I was still busy with keeping myself together, so I didn't comment. I took a deep, steading breath in an attempt to calm myself down. It didn't really work. Hadn't I said that this would end up badly? I was a ticking time bomb. I needed _blood_. Damon pulled a lock pick out of his leather jacket, and within mere seconds, the door lock clicked. "After you, Miss Gilbert." He held the door open wide and motioned for me to enter, so I did. He stepped in right behind me, then past me to look around. Our arms brushed against each other accidentally. Suddenly, my edgy self was very aware of his presence. Like the zoom of a camera, it was drawing me in, consuming me… And his scent. Gosh, his scent...

Before I even knew it, my lips were on his.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

I am a vampire. My whole existence radiates around one thing: My eternal craving for blood. I can't evade it. Nothing can stop it. But since I had been turned, I have learned of something that could ease the cravings: Alcohol. When it burned down my throat, it overruled the scorching ache of my hunger. Only for a while though. And then, I had found out, there was another thing that could help with the cravings, because it channeled all your hunger into a different physical need that was almost as strong as the urge to feed: Sex.

I felt the automatic reaction of Damon's lips on mine, returning the kiss. My thoughtless mind registered it as an invitation, and within the blink of an eye, I had Damon's back up against the wall, an animalistic growl rumbling through my chest as my tongue pushed past his lips and my hand sneaked under his shirt, following the outlines of his defined muscular chest. I felt his hands curl around my upper arms, squeezing them tightly and once again, a small partition of my brain registered how much stronger he was than me. As a vampire, it's not easy to find someone who outdoes you when it comes to strength. He was more than a puppy to play with; he was a match. It turned me on even more. I let out a small moan as I struggled against his grip to shape my body to his again, pressing my mouth on his.

It was only when I didn't succeed that I finally realized his tight hold of me actually was _restraining_. It was enough to make me snap out of it, but I was highly flustered. I let go of him and looked up into his face, confusedness written all over my features. His eyes caught mine. And what I saw there… Pure shock. Deep concern. His mouth hung slightly open; he was totally speechless. I felt his intense gaze push right through me, through every barrier I had carefully built up over the years, and I felt the dams break deep down inside of me. Everything I had sealed away with the help of blood; guilt, fear, worry, even _disgust_ with myself washed through my system at the speed of light, and the pains it caused were worse than an overdosed vervain shot. I felt my knees grow week, my vision turned blurry and with a croaking voice I pleaded: "Help me, Damon!" before I collapsed into his arms.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Slowly, the darkness lifted from my mind. I registered that I had been laid down on a bed or something alike. An image of Damon's concerned features appeared in my field of vision as I tried to blink the blurriness away. He drew back, and then his face was replaced by a blood bag right in front of my nose. I wrinkled it in disgust and tilted my head to the other side. "Drink!" he ordered. "This tastes disgusting", I complained but reached for the blood bag while I sat up on the bed. His voice hadn't exactly sounded like this was up for discussion, and I knew I needed blood. I also knew that, after my performance of the savage, out of control animal some minutes ago, he wouldn't grant me live bait anytime soon. Without looking at him, I ripped the lid open with my teeth and emptied the blood bag, but I could feel his intense gaze on me, watching me. When I was done, I handed the shriveled plastic back to him, a shudder running through my body at the abhorrent taste of cold blood. He sighed and put it away.

"Now tell me," he questioned in a now much more propitiating tone, "how long has this been going on?" I looked away again, my lips pressed together in a tight line. "Elena, look at me." He put his hand on my cheek and gently, but with determination, tilted my face back towards him. The look in his eyes was sincere, but I could also detect a soft edge in their oceanic deepness, a hint of concern. "Elena, you asked me to help you. And I will. But to be able to do that, I need to know these things." He shifted his weight where he was sitting at the edge of the bed beside me and leaned in, thus giving his next few words more intensity. "How long is it that you can't control it anymore?" Now that the dam had been broken, I felt oversensitive towards emotions. My eyes went moist, and all I was able to do is shake my head a little. It was easy to witness when after a moment, it clicked in his head. He dropped his hand from my face, is jaw tightened and his strained expression barely concealed the bitterness and anger he was trying to hold in. Even the air around us seemed to charge and tense. "He never taught you." His words came out in a clipped tone; it wasn't a question, he was stating the facts. A silent tear pearled down my cheek.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Damon got up from the edge of the bed and strode over towards the window, folding his arms across his chest. His back was turned towards me, but his whole body radiated tension. Seconds ticked by. Even if I had known what to say or do, I wouldn't have dared to. The past had taught me to better not upset Damon in this state, and by now, I understood very well why. When he finally spoke, his voice was strained, as if he had to force the words out. "I shouldn't have left." "Then _why_ did you?" Even to myself, my tone was whiney and full of accusation. He took a deep breath, and finally his shoulders slumped down. The dangerous moment had passed. He turned around to face me. "And he's never told you that, either." I was taken aback. "W… What do you mean, he's never told me?" I clutched the blanket even tighter around my chest and shifted towards him. "Damon, did Stefan _know_ why you left Mystic Falls?!" He sat back down beside me, gently un-pried my fingers from the sheets, and took my hands in his, looking down on them as he spoke. "Elena, my brother and I… we had made a deal. The one who wouldn't be chosen by you, would leave." Slowly, his gaze wandered up along my body until he met my watery eyes. "So I did." I drew in a sob and closed my eyes for a moment, trying to focus. Gosh, my emotions were a mess. It had been a lot easier when I didn't have to deal with them at all. When I finally found myself able to, I opened my eyes again, facing his worried, almost wounded expression. I knew I was the only one who was allowed to see him like this, so vulnerable. I didn't let go of his hands. "You didn't even say goodbye Damon, just… when I woke up, you were gone. _Why?_" "I couldn't do this back then, Elena. I wasn't up for any… goodbyes." He shook his head dismissively, and I nodded. I understood. "I should have known better though, than to leave it to a Ripper to teach control to a freshly turned vampire." There was that self-accusation again. I clutched his fingers tighter, my voice coming out in a whispered plea. "Damon, I don't want to be like him!" "Well…," his eyes wandered as he thought for a moment, then focused again on me when he had decided to ask his question, "have you ever ripped someone apart?" I gulped and nodded. "Once." I could barely make out my own voice. "I was so disgusted with myself that I…" I shuddered. Damon nodded, let go of my hands and got up. "You're not like him, Elena. We'll have you back on track in no-time." He gave me one of his lopsided half-smirks and walked towards the door. With the handle in his hand, he turned back to face me. "But for now, you should sleep. I need a well-rested vampire freshman tonight." His ironic view on life seemed to carry him through everything. I nodded. I didn't want to be alone, not now. And he must have read that off my face, since he added, "I'll be right next door if you need anything." He prodded his chin into the according direction. Miraculously, that really made me calmer. I nodded again, and slid back down under the covers. I realized that I really w_as_ tired; that unwelcomed bath of emotions had exhausted me. "Goodnight, Damon." I blinked sleepily. I felt safe, knowing he'd be sleeping within my reach. "Goodnight, Elena." Then he was gone. Slowly, my heavy lids sank down over my tired eyes.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

The monotonous babbling of a TV slowly bored its way into my mind, and finally I opened my eyes, blinking sleepily as my pupils adjusted to the rims of daylight shimmering through the curtains into the unfamiliar room.

Something was different.

It wasn't the foreign surrounding. I'd been used to always waking up in a different place for years now. But something was off here, I felt…

I squinched and squeezed my brain, searching for the right word to describe my state, but somehow I had a really hard time finding the adequate adjective. Typically for a vampire, a small partition of my mind started to follow another route of thoughts while I kept trying to put a finger on how, exactly, I was feeling. We hardly ever focused on one thing at a time, and usually there was a reason for that, but it was always hard to find that reason before it was handed to you on a silver plate. Like this time. I only got it when something in my errand thoughts, suddenly clicked.

_I felt._

There was no need for a describing adjective at the end of this sentence. It was already highly disturbing just like that. I sat up in bed and, for a short moment, buried my face in my hands before I brushed my fingers down through my messy hair, emitting an almost soundless sigh. There I had been, the big bad merciless killer vampire roaming around the States, draining lives without even blinking, and all it had needed was a big round pair of shocked baby blue eyes in an admittedly pretty handsome face, and everything had crumpled. I freed my feet from the tangled covers and pushed myself out of bed vigorously… or maybe more in a childishly pouting stubborn way. I was still in my jeans and T-Shirt from yesterday. Great. I'd have to find my sports bag. Slowly, I pushed down the door handle and sneaked out of the room. Why was I trying so hard to stay quiet? Was I planning to tiptoe past Damon and run, or what. I snorted at my own stupidity, quietly though, as I followed the noise of the TV, sidling down a flight of stairs that opened into a great living room. There he was, halfway sitting on the armrest of the sofa, watching the afternoon news, his back turned towards me. He turned his head when I froze at the bottom of the stairs. Apparently, I had to work on my sneaking skills. Or probably, I just shouldn't try to sneak up to a vampire. Why was I feeling so nervous? Damn those emotions. I groaned inwardly.

He slowly measured me with his gaze, starting with my feet and making his way up to my face. His eyes locked on mine. They were unreadable. Maybe a little… reserved? Probing? "Good morning", he finally said. His tone was just as flat as his eyes were. "Good morning", I muttered and dropped my gaze like a thirteen year old student who's expecting to be scolded by her teacher. His words from last night echoed in my ears: _"I need a well-rested vampire freshman tonight."_ Vampire freshman. Well, that was exactly how I was feeling at the moment. Everything about myself was just so… edgy. "How are you feeling?" His voice was a little softer now. "Been better." I shrugged and laughed nervously, it took all my will to keep my fingers from starting to play with each other. "There are two cups for you on the kitchen counter." He tilted his head towards an open door. I nodded and rushed past him. "I want you to drink the _red_ one first, though!" he called after me. Red? Red was good. Sounded like blood. I snatched the cup and brought it up to my lips, but stopped halfway. It was a cup of coffee. I sighed and put it back down, taking the white one. _There_ was my blood. Two mouthful, if I was lucky. Cold blood. Blood bag blood. I wrinkled my nose.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

"Haven't I told you to drink the other one first?" His voice made me jump, and I almost spilled some of the blood. He was leaning in the doorway, arms casually folded. "Y... Yes but I've just wanted to see... what's... in..." My voice died away, and I gulped. The cup in my hands was shaking. I saw that concerned frown reappear on his features and, almost gracefully, he pushed away from the doorframe and moved towards me. Everything I could do was watching him coming closer with huge, frightful eyes. Gently, his hands wrapped around mine which were still clutching the cup. His skin felt surprisingly warm against mine, compared to the cool porcelain against my palms. His gaze locked on mine. "Breathe, Elena." His tone was soft, but nevertheless, it was an order. It was like his words reminded me of some long forgotten lecture. Deep breath. Right. I closed my eyes and allowed my lungs to blow up like a balloon, a broad mixture of different scents filling my sensitive nose. Of course, there was the blood. Though it didn't smell half as delicious as it could have if it would still be inside the veins of the human who had donated it... Then, the scent of freshly brewed coffee hung in the air. A faint note of wood polish... And, the most prevalent one: Him.

Slowly, I let the air drift back out of my lungs and opened my eyes again. Faced with their deep blue reflection, I found in them the confirmation of what I was already feeling: I was a lot calmer now. Damon nodded in approval and let go of my hands. "Now, the coffee" he commanded and switched the cups in my hands. "It'll warm your system for the cold blood, and get your circulation going. You've barely moved yesterday. That would leave even the best vampire slightly rusty." The edge of his lips drew up in a faint half-smirk and I couldn't help but reply with a small smile of my own between two sips of coffee. Damon being Damon, he would always find some sort of humor in any situation. Silently, I admired him for it.

After I had obediently finished my coffee and been rewarded with those few drops of rather disgusting somewhat-blood that would, at its best, halfway sustain me during the next few hours, Damon sent me to go and get dressed so we could get back on the road again. I, however, hesitated in the doorway and watched him clean away the cups. Finally, he turned towards me with a sigh and asked, "What is it, Elena?" The way he put his hand onto the kitchen counter, supporting himself on it, I could tell that he was trying to hide his annoyance. His demeanor almost made me back off with a quiet "Nothing", but somehow I felt the need to phrase this. "I… I feel…" Struggling for words, I looked at him helplessly, my mouth hanging slightly ajar. Understanding where I was headed, his eyes grew softer, encouraging me. "I feel like… like a wild animal that's been captivated. Like, going insane over pacing back and forth in a tiny cage." He nodded and simply said, "Because that's what you are." He cocked his head to the side, slowly scanning my entire frame with something like… gloom? in his eyes. "Right now, you are a predator on edge, and with decades of neglected training, I can only imagine how hard it is to keep things together." He pushed himself away from the counter and crossed the distance between us, his large hands gently wrapping around my jawline, tilting my face up to his. "But considering the circumstances, you're doing quite well. Can you believe that?" A brief moment, his question hung in the air between us, and then I nodded. I was rewarded with a faint smile. "Good," he said and let go of my face, "now go and change your clothes so we can leave. Your bag is beside the stairs." I nodded again, turned and disappeared out of the kitchen, not wanting to make him wait too long.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Barely five minutes later (sometimes, vampire speed really does come in handy), Damon started the car and, like yesterday, the silence enwrapped us. Maybe it was just me, but it felt horribly awkward. It seemed as if there was too much to say with no idea how to start. When we reached the Intestate, I already couldn't stand the silence anymore. But today, I was a little braver than last night. I pointed at the radio. "Can I…?" I looked at him questioningly. He didn't avert his gaze from the road, but he nodded. "Sure." I turned the radio on and fell back into my seat with a sigh of relief as country tunes started to fill the air. I didn't even bother what it was as long as it erased the silence. Damon's attention had finally been awakened, though. One of his eyebrows quirked up, and he tilted his head towards me, a crooked grin displaying on his features. "You've found your love for country music?" My first reaction was to reach for the radio again and search for another station, but then I decided differently. "Yes, it's just lovely, isn't it?" And I turned the volume up. He rolled his eyes and shook his head, but I knew that he was amused. The conversation died away again, but this time it didn't bother me that much anymore. I rested my elbow against the side window and my head into my palm and watched the landscape fly by.

A couple of hours later however, when dusk had just started to fall, my easiness slowly started to drift away again. I could feel the tension and jumpiness creep back in, and a faint burning took over in my throat as the thought of blood became more and more prevalent again. It wasn't until Damon's hand grabbed for my thigh that I realized I had started tapping my foot. "We'll reach Chicago soon. I'll get you a coffee there, and then you can have a blood bag." "What is it with this stupid coffee?" I growled. Gosh, I needed some fresh warm blood. I made a face at the thought of that blood bag taste. Damon withdrew his hand from my thigh. "It's some sort of substitute drug, if you allow that comparison." He scanned me from the corner of his eye and I knew exactly what his thoughts were. Yes, I was acting like a crackhead on withdrawal. But that was precisely how I felt. "The caffeine helps you to sustain on less blood for a longer period of time. Don't ask me why, though. In almost 170 years, I've never gotten round to studying Biology." He shrugged, and I almost wanted to laugh again.

Not that much later as it felt to me, we were walking down the busy roads of Chicago at nightfall in search for a coffee bar. My eyes caught sight of a Starbucks sign and I pointed it out to Damon. He nodded and strode towards the entrance, but I bent down and quickly picked up a gum wrap from the street. When I looked back up again, I met his bewildered gaze. "And what's that supposed to be for?" "You'll see." I grinned and entered the Starbucks. "I'll get you a coffee," I announced as he followed me inside. Damon lifted his shoulders. "Knock yourself out!" With that, he strolled away from the waiting line towards a stand with newspapers that he started studying. When it finally was my turn, I ordered a coffee for Damon and a double mocha espresso for myself – if the caffeine would help me deal with my cravings, then well, I should get as much of it into my system as possible. Then, the barista asked for the payment. Showtime. I pulled the gum wrap out of my jeans pocket and handed it to him, my eyes locking with his in a hypnotizing manner. "I have a voucher," I said with a friendly smile. He nodded in his daze and took the gum paper, repeating my words in a quiet mutter. Damon wasn't looking over, but I could see him grinning. Pleased with myself, I went over to him and handed out the coffee. As we emerged on the street again, I could still feel his curious eyes on me. "I'm impressed. You can actually enjoy this." My smile faded away, and I sighed. "In very rare occasions. But most of the time, I just feel like I'm caught in shadows. Yes, I can go out in the sun…" I lifted my left hand and studied the daylight ring on my middle finger, "… but I feel like it never really touches my skin. As if it doesn't belong to my world anymore." We walked on in silence. When we had almost reached his car again and I wasn't even expecting him to comment anymore, he suddenly spoke again. "We are creatures of the night, Elena. A dark species. The shadows is what we live in. But nevertheless, we can bring some light into them." It caught me completely by surprise as he suddenly grabbed my hand and started to pull me into the other direction again. "Come on, let's go. There's something I want you to do."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Shortly after, I found myself on top of a twenty stories building. The clear night sky was spreading its sparkly covers over our heads, and as we walked across the rooftop towards the edge of the building, through the darkness I could make out a vast city park spreading in front of us. It was beautiful. "What are we doing up here?" I asked suspiciously, glancing up at Damon. He moved behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders, guiding me the last few steps until we reached the far end of the rooftop. His lips were close to my ear, causing his voice to send reverberations through my entire frame as he spoke quietly, yet with a clear emphasis: "I want you to jump, Elena." My whole body went rigid, and for the irrational fear that he'd just push me over the edge, I didn't dare to move as much as my little finger. "Are you insane?" My voice sounded squeaky even to my own ears. "This will _kill_ me!" He spun me around, grabbing my shoulders harshly, his icy blue orbs boring right into mine. "See, Elena? _This_ is your problem." One of his hands moved up to tap against my temple. "It's all in your head. You're still thinking like you're human. Breaking news Elena, you're _not_. This jump…" He turned me around again, and I was too stunned to even react in any way, "… it can kill you, yes. But only for the next two minutes. Because, remember? You _are_ already dead!" He loosened his hold on me, and his hands were rubbing up and down my upper arms, as if apologizing for going a little too far on this. His tone grew lighter as well. "Besides, most likely you'll survive this unharmed. Break one of your legs at most. With a little practice, you can land on your feet even when jumping from Mount Everest." This time, I really wasn't up for his jokes. Still not really daring to move, my eyes widening in horror as I stared into the darkness below my feet, I slowly shook my head. "Damon, I can't do this… I simply can't." "Okay, look." He stepped beside me and put his fingers beneath my chin, tilting my head up so I had to meet his eyes. "In order to find your control, you need to learn to let go. You're desperately clinging to your humanity but in the end, that's what makes you what you fear most - a monster. Because you're _pretending _you can control it. But the first step to learn to live with your blood lust is to accept that it will _never_ be under your control. You're not human anymore, Elena." He motioned towards the nothingness in front of us. "So let it go!"

Oddly enough, his words totally made sense to me. Maybe it was because I was in desperate need of some guidance. Or maybe, it was simply because I trusted Damon. Yet, I still wasn't ready to just launch myself across the edge. My heart leaped into my mouth at the very thought of it. From the corner of my eye, I peeked down. "You first." There was a slight tremor to my voice. "No. If I'm gonna go first, who will make you follow?" I should have known that he was too smart for that. "And if _I_ go first, who will make _you_ follow?" Miraculously, I managed to put on a somewhat challenging expression. It made him roll his eyes and grin. "Always so stubborn, Elena. Okay, here's the deal: We'll jump together." He looked at me expectantly, and I could have slapped myself for it, but I took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay. It can't kill me, right?" We shared a brief smile as he reached for my hand and stepped right to the edge. My fingers clutched his tightly as I followed his example. There was nothing underneath my toes but thin air. "Have you done this before?" I glanced at him, still not really daring to look down, my chest heaving with deep breaths that failed to calm me. "A few times, yes." The smirk vanished from his features and was replaced by utter sincerity. "Trust me?" And right there and then, I understood that I had a choice. That he wouldn't make me do this. It was up to _me_. This fostered my decision. I took one more deep breath, and nodded. My eyes shifted from his face to lock on the darkness below. "I'll count back from three." He announced, lowering his voice. "Three… two… one…"

And we jumped.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

No matter how long I'll get to live, no matter how hard I'll try – I'll never find a way to describe that feeling that came with the free fall. I had always loved the speed of running fast, the adrenaline rush it was accompanied by, but this… It was like a million times magnified. The darkness rushed past us, and I held on tightly to Damon's hand to keep myself from screaming (who knows who could have heard that and what would have happened then), while I was consumed by the feeling of my stomach being left behind somewhere mid-air, carried away by a cloud of butterflies. And then we hit the ground. I hadn't seen it coming that fast, and so I didn't land quite as smoothly as Damon did, my right foot giving in beneath me and I heard my ankle crack before I even felt the pain. Damon's grip on my hand held me steady on my feet nonetheless, and even though an aching throb quickly crept up my leg, I burst into hysterical laughter. Imagine the impact such an adventure would have on the system of a human, all the hormones running wild. Now, imagine that amplified by the highly volatile emotions of a vampire. I felt as if I was about to explode with sheer bliss, a huge, almost goofy grin stapled to my cheeks, and I couldn't stop laughing. Damon grinned back at me in obvious self-satisfaction, then he got a grip on my shoulders and helped me to slowly lower myself onto the ground while I tried not to put weight onto my right foot. Once my butt landed not exactly gracefully on the grass, I wiped my cheeks that were wet with the tears of my laughter, and continued giggling. Damon swiftly moved around me and kneeled down in front of me, one of his hands wrapping around my lower leg right above my broken ankle while the other one snuck below my heel. Even _he_ was still grinning, and realizing that our little jump hadn't gone by him unfazed pleased me with a huge amount of satisfaction. "Hold still, okay? On three." "Don't you want to count back again?" I couldn't help but tease him, but my giggles slowly subsided and I managed to take a deep breath before I nodded in agreement. However, this didn't mean that I was able to stop grinning in any way. "One… Two… Three!" I felt a harsh pull, then something snapped back into place and the pain quickly subsided. "There." Damon nodded in approval. "Can you move it again?" I moved my foot in a testing circle. "Yes, it's fine. Thank you." That boyish grin crept back onto his features as he offered me his hand and hauled me back up to my feet. "Not too bad for a first try. One could even think you're a natural talent." "Of course, Damon. I'm sure there's something like a natural talent for suicide jumps." I laughed and slinked an arm around his waist, pecking a quick kiss onto his cheek. I felt so absolutely carefree that I didn't even think about it. "See who's all 'I'm-always-in-for-a-jump' now," he retorted in just the same cheery manner and wrapped an arm around me in return while he started to lead me back towards where his car was parked. It all felt so natural how we walked through the streets, arm in arm, and continued to banter and laugh in a completely lighthearted way. The brooding stoicism I had been enwrapped in just two days ago and, frankly, for the last eighteen years or so, was all but forgotten.

When we reached his car, he produced a cooler bag from its backseat and handed me a blood bag. I looked at it, stunned, and then at him. A smug lopsided grin spread on his lips and one of his dark eyebrows rose slowly. "Someone forgot about her blood cravings that were driving her oh-so-insane just an hour ago?" And really, I had totally forgotten about my hunger. I couldn't even really say that I was hungry at the moment. "I… I don't think I need this right now. Thank you." I shook my head in astonishment and wanted to hand the blood bag back to him, but he quickly shoved my arm away. "No Elena, take it. You need it, trust me. Even though you're not aware of it right now." All the humor was gone from his features, replaced by utter sincerity and even a hint of severity. There was no point in discussing this with him right now. I quickly glanced around, making sure the parking lot was empty except for the both of us, and ripped the lid open with my teeth. As soon as the crimson fluid filled my mouth, I knew that he was right. The need for this life-sustainer took over and I had the plastic bag drained within mere seconds. I realized though that it didn't taste quite _that_ bad anymore. I even managed not to make a face when I had finished. Damon nodded in approval and opened the driver's door. "Come on, let's go find a place for the night." I scrunched up the piece of plastic in my hand and followed.


	17. Chapter 17

**_My chapters are getting longer and longer... ;) I hope you all still enjoy them, and a big thank you to those who review! You keep me going. Also, a HUGE thank you to my personal proof reader, who always comments on my chapters with a lovely *_* I just love chu so much._**

**Chapter 17**

The evening and also the greater part of the next day went by somewhat unspectacularly. It wasn't hard to find a decent foreclosure in Chicago for the night where we had a drink or two -all part of my training program- before we wished each other a good night and went to bed. The next day, I was greeted with the sight of Damon zapping through the morning news, more coffee and few sips of blood, and soon we were on the road again. The only difference was that I felt a lot more balanced today, and that every now and then I had to laugh a little when I remembered our jumping adventure of the previous night. Damon always threw me a cocky, knowing smirk in response. I could sense that he was really pleased with himself, and in my opinion he had every right to be – the progress he had made with me in no more than three days was astonishing. Silently, I thanked whatever fate had brought him back into my life.

Another difference maybe was that, for the first time, there was no heavy silence in the car with us. We were chatting about this and that, mostly about the places we've been and what we've done during the last decade or so. Damon was shocked that I hadn't left the States once, saying I was wasting my abilities. Apparently, he had spent a great deal of time in Canada -the circumstance I owed our unexpected meeting to, since he had been coming down from there when we ran into each other- where he had been through some typical Damon-adventures. Compared to that, my past years had been rather boring. Once, I brought myself to ask him what he wanted in New York, but the only reply I got was a mysterious grin followed by the even more mysterious words "You will see…" and so I dropped the topic again.

However, we never touched on the heavy topics that were looming between us. We didn't mention Mystic Falls or any of its members, let alone our mutual past there. I figured that time would bring it up eventually, but right now I was thankful for the delay. I could feel that we weren't up for that conversation yet. We were still finding our way back to each other.

It was late afternoon when we stopped in front of yet another expensive-looking abandoned house in some mid-sized city, soon after we had left the Great Lakes area. I was a little surprised, but also quite encouraged when I realized that I hadn't freaked out over lack of blood all day long. Without too much effort, Damon had managed to foster a tiny spark of hope within me again.

After we had finished our inspection tour of the house, I announced that I wanted to take a shower. Damon nodded and dismissed me, saying I should come back into the living room once I was done. The look in his eyes that accompanied his words… he was up to something. And I wasn't sure if I would like whatever it was. What followed on suicidal jumps on his rehabilitation program? I tried to tell myself that I was being ridiculous, pushing those thoughts aside, but I still found myself prolonging the shower. Eventually though, I had to admit that I was all clean, and dressed, my hair dry, beauty program accomplished… the living room was waiting. Reluctantly, I made my way back downstairs and entered. Damon was sitting on the sofa, patiently sipping a drink. Across from him, a young man sat like a pillar of salt, gazing blankly ahead. I froze mid-way. "No!" It took me a moment to realize that I had said that out loud. Damon slowly turned his head, measuring me with an unreadable expression. All I could do was stare back, mere panic evident in my dark eyes. Then he quickly downed his Bourbon, sat the glass back on the table as he got up and came towards me, palms raised in front of his chest in an appeasing manner. "Look Elena, I…" "I can't do this!" I interrupted him with a strident ring to my voice, and backed up through the door again. "I'll kill him!" In a blur, he was right in front of me, his face inches from mine, and his hands took a tight hold of my upper arms as his crystal blue eyes captured my frantic gaze. His tone was assertive, but I could make out a hint of frustration as well. "You won't kill him Elena, because I won't let you. Have a little more faith in my judgment, and a little less distrust in yourself. Will you now, _please_? You think I'd let you do this if I wasn't sure you could handle it?" His brusqueness had me back down to earth in an instant, and I swallowed dryly. I was still feeling wary about this, but the panic-strickenness was gone. He could feel it, too. The grip of his fingers loosened, his expression softened and once more, I found him run his palms up and down my arms soothingly. "Look, I need you to be at least somewhat in control when we reach New York tomorrow. And I know you're capable of doing the snatch-eat-erase. You're not… a ripper. You were just lacking some practice, Elena." He nodded encouragingly, and I nodded in response. Yes, I trusted him. I always had. How could I even have thought that he'd watch me do something he knew I would regret later? "Okay…" I took a deep breath and looked past him, at the man who was still sitting on the sofa like a puppet whose strings had been cut off. My meal for the evening. "Don't even _think_ about feeling guilty!" Damon's voice interrupted my thoughts before they even had a chance to end up where he knew they were headed to. "He won't feel any pain, and he won't remember any of it. Did you feel guilty about every pig you used to eat in your dozens of burgers while you were still human?" I couldn't help but snicker. He was having a point there. He flashed a crooked smirk at my reaction and left me standing in the hallway while he went to get my snack. Still a little hesitant, I followed him back inside. Grabbing the guy by his shoulders, he guided him towards me. "Okay. I want you to _drink_ Elena, understand? Not only take a few sips. Drink deeply, until you feel you've _really_ had enough – or until I tell you to stop. Got it?" My eyes were already focusing on the man's jugular when I nodded, my mouth watering at the sight of the faint pulsating underneath his skin, a burning ache spiraling up my throat. "Snap my neck if you have to," I instructed him hoarsely as my features started to change, my fangs piercing through my gums. And then I launched myself at the victim Damon had chosen for me, sinking my teeth deeply into his throat, my arms latching around his torso, and drank. The flavor of warm, fresh blood… it was delicious. I groaned with delight while Damon kept my prey steady by his shoulders, watching over my feeding. I focused on not losing myself in the hunger while I sucked the crimson fluid, and somehow I managed to keep it together. Just when I felt that the body I was holding on to started to weaken considerably, Damon snapped in a sharp voice "That's enough, Elena. Stop." And obediently, I withdrew my canines from the man's flesh and looked up at Damon. We held each other's gaze while my features slowly changed back to normal and my fangs disappeared again. Then he nodded once. "Well done, Elena." He turned the guy to face him and told him to leave and not remember what just happened. Without a single word, he turned and disappeared through the front door. I was left alone with Damon, and once again we measured each other in silence. He lifted his hand and with his thumb, he wiped away a thin line of blood that was running down from the edge of my lips. "You should go and catch some sleep now. Tomorrow will be a looong day." His eyes were sparkling with amusement about something he knew that was about to come and I had no idea of. I grabbed his hand while he was in the process of lowering it again and squeezed it tightly, my chocolate orbs still glued to his cerulean ones. "Thank you, Damon." And with a small smile on my lips, I turned to leave for the night, knowing he was still standing there, watching me disappear.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

The following morning started with the already familiar sight of Damon in front of the TV, a cup of coffee and – no blood. I frowned at the sight of the single blue mug that obviously didn't contain what I wanted it to.

"You had enough fresh blood off the vein to last even _you_ through the day. Don't get too greedy!" Damon called from the living area. I rolled my eyes and took the mug.

"And don't roll your eyes at me! I thought we were practicing restraint here, not doing a who's-able-to-gorge-on-the-most-blood contest!" I muttered a curse into my coffee. He didn't even have to be in the same room to figure me out. This was highly frustrating. I couldn't keep a small voice in my head from noting though, that it was also comforting to know that I had someone to rely on, and that_ I_ could probably figure _him_ out just as well.

Either way, I downed my coffee like a good girl and even rinsed the mug before storing it away in the cupboard again. Then, I walked back into the living room and announced that I was ready to leave. He turned off the TV and rose from the armrest of the sofa like a black panther, his expression flat except for an animated spark dancing in his cerulean eyes. "Good. Let's go for a run, then."

He never failed to catch me by surprise. I barely managed to keep my mouth from dropping open. A run? The amusement was spreading from his eyes onto his lips, the edges twitching upward just a nudge as he watched my reaction. "But… why?!" I managed to stutter.

He just shrugged and reached for my hand, already dragging me along towards the door. "Why not? We've barely moved during the last few days. This is highly unnatural for our species, and might end up in some sort of uncoordinated reaction, like… a killing spree, for example. We wouldn't want that, would we? Besides, aren't you a junkie for all things high speed? Weren't you in search for some rays of sunshine in your apocalyptical darkness?"

He was gesturing towards the rising sun with mocked dramatics while he stepped down the front porch backwards, due to the fact that he was facing me. I just shook my head, but couldn't help but let out a giggle. Suddenly, his lips pulled up into his infamous lopsided grin and he mouthed the words "Catch me if you can!"

Then he was gone in a blur. "DAMON!" I growled out in annoyance that was half-hearted at best, and dashed after him. In case we were passing any people, they wouldn't have noticed. Our speed was way too fast for the human eye. Damon wasn't going at full speed though, or I wouldn't have caught up with him. I didn't even bother to match his pace, I simply blew past him. Seconds later he pulled the same trick on me, and so we started chasing each other for a while. Everything heavy dropped off of me, I was just speed, and fun, and laughter.

And then, we came to a halt at the lakeside of what must have been Lake Erie. I was surprised, I hadn't noticed that we had gone that far. But I also realized that Damon must have subtly been leading me into that direction. The lake spread in front of us, still and even as a mirror, and the water was glistening in the early morning sun. I sucked in a shallow breath.

"'S not bad, is it?" Damon's voice sucked me out of my reverie. "If that's what you want to call it… 'not bad'…" I shrugged a shoulder. "What would _you_ call it, Elena?" His voice was quiet. I frowned, letting my gaze wander over the misty horizon. "I'd say… it's peaceful and beautiful." I looked up at him, standing by my side, a little uncertain of what he was expecting from me. He just nodded. "Over all your self-loathing about being 'a monster'," he drew quotation marks in the air with his fingers, "don't forget that you're still allowed to enjoy your afterlife and the benefits that come with it from time to time."

I so wanted to believe his words. But I wasn't sure if I could. Still, I nodded. I'm sure he felt my wariness, but he didn't call me out on it. "Come on, let's get back now. Next station: New York!" He flashed a grin and was gone again.


End file.
